‘He went beautifully and peacefully’

Hugh Connolly was charming and charismatic. Sue was with Hugh for 44 years and she was able to be with him when he died on May 31^st this year, cared for at home by his family and the FNH@Home team.

Sue and Hugh had lived in Canada for 20 years, moving back to Winslow in 2017. Hugh loved life and people, he loved playing golf and going to the pub every day for an hour for a pint of Guinness – he loved his routine.

Hugh found he had bladder cancer in October last year, after coming home from a Norwegian cruise suffering from back pain. He was treated at the Churchill Hospital and, after the cancer metastasized to his back, the trips to the Churchill must have been agonising. However he never complained, he was always calm and pragmatic.

Within days of Hugh’s terminal diagnosis, Cleo from FNH@Home arrived to help care for Hugh. She asked Hugh what he wanted, she explained everything including all the stages of illness that Hugh would go through. She organized his Blue Badge, she made sure he had enough morphine. According to Sue, ‘Cleo smoothed the whole process’, she took all the admin away from the couple and made their lives easier. Sue has worked in business for many years, and according to her ‘Cleo’s questioning and listening and interpretative skills were second to none. She knew her stuff inside out, she suggested, she didn’t tell’.

Hugh remained mobile until four days before he died. The FNH@Home team had organised a hospital bed so that he could sleep at home in his lounge, and later on an air mattress. They set up a syringe driver to manage his pain. He could watch his beloved sport on TV as well as TV quiz shows. Cleo always hugged Hugh, she and the FNH@Home team gave him bed baths and changed his clothes during his last few days. She set expectations for every stage of Hugh’s cancer so he knew what to expect as the cancer spread to his prostate and pelvis.

Hospice care gave them time to make plans and for Sue and the family to start the process of grieving whilst still being able to spend all her time with Hugh; ‘we loved the bones of each other’ Sue said.

They were able to prepare for his death and Hugh gave instructions for his funeral which were to be a celebration of his life, with colourful clothes and his favourite music including Mike and the Mechanics in tribute to his dad and his favourite hymn from his years as choirboy in Belfast. There were jokes and funny stories about Hugh as well as the poem, Pardon Me for Not Getting Up. As well as a celebration at a local hotel, with guests greeted by a choice of Prosecco, Jamieson whisky or Vimto, he also wanted £250 put behind the bar in the local pub were he went every day! It was important for Sue to know his wishes and for Hugh to get the funeral that he wanted. Sue says that hospice care gave them the chance to have these conversations about death and to make plans.

Hugh’s two sons Paul and James were also at home with Hugh when he died, taking it in turns to sleep on the sofa to be near to their dad who was sleepy but could still squeeze their hands.

Funding for FNH@Home allows patients to die in the comfort of their own home if they have a support network of family or friends combined with regular practical and moral support from our team of nurses and carers. FNH@Home enabled Hugh to be surrounded by his loved ones and to be as comfortable as possible when he died in his sleep aged 76.  ‘He went beautifully and peacefully,’ Sue says, ‘he was where he wanted to be.’

FNH@Home is fully funded by Florence Nightingale Hospice Charity. 

Pardon Me for Not Getting Up

Oh dear, if you’re reading this right now,
I must have given up the ghost.
I hope you can forgive me for being
Such a stiff and unwelcoming host.

Just talk amongst yourself my friends,
And share a toast or two.
For I am sure you will remember well
How I loved to drink with you.

Don’t worry about mourning me,
I was never easy to offend.
Feel free to share a story at my expense
And we’ll have a good laugh at the end.